Ben 10's Hottest Summer Ever
by Vermilius Zatori
Summary: This fic contains hot Bwen. What else is there to say?
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: KIDPEDOCESTPREG IS A-OK

There's like seventeen stories combined in this one. This fandom is still amazing, 9 years running. Never change!

Ben 10's Hottest Summer Ever

**Chapter 1: What ever, don't matter**

Ben Tennnyson jumped off the bus with a huge grin of childish glee on his face.

"FUCK YEAH, SUMMER BREAK! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MY COUSIN AND PUT ANOTHER BUN IN HER OVEN!"

And just like that, you knew where this story was going.

The Rustbucket jumped the curb, killing two students as they attempted to cross the street. No one cared because they were black.

The door to the rickety, stinking hunk of metal opened and an even fouler stench wafted out from the vehicle. The stench of old man farts, dried semen and pedophilia.

"Hey, Ben," Grandpa Max belched out drunkenly, swaying even as he held his fortieth beer that morning. 8:00am, to be precise. "Ya ready to fuck yer cousin while I watch, kiddo?"

"I sure am, Grandpa!" Ben gleamed with inexplicable prepubescent virility, as he strode past the bloody bodies and to the RV's door, his miniature 10 year old dick swelling with pride, and the urge to doodle his cousin's diddle. He already had like two kids already. Which is all kinds of HAH AHAHAHAHAH AHHAHA WHAT.

"You read for another summer on the road? Fuckin' yer cousin!While I watch?!"

Grandpa smiled horrifyingly though rotted, yellow teeth.

"I sure am," Ben said.

"HI, DOOFUS!"

Gwen's head appeared from behind one of the seats. She stood up to reveal her lactating nipples which were bleeding milk through her cute little shirt.

"AW TITTYSUCKIN' MOFOS, HELL YEAH, BABY," Ben said. They lurched forward and began making out heavily with tongues as Grandpa Max drooled from afar.

"Hey Ben," Gwen said through her cousin's hot tongue, moaning as her shirt became wetter with delicious milk that she used to feed the babies that she had because Ben impregnated her and now I will use the word "impregnated" like a hundred times to emphasis that point. Impregnated. I'm probably on a list now for going to that website to collect that steaming pile someone in their fifties wrote and decided to label a "story."

"What, Gwen?" Ben asked, desperately trying to keep his 10 year old weiner own even though he just wanted to toss his cousin over the seat and go at her like a boss.

"Remember when we used to be innocent children and you used to be a hero and turn into aliens and save the world from galactic conquerors and crazed military organizations and mad scientists and shit?"

"Not really."

"Yeah, me either."

So Gwen put it out of mind.

"God, I want to give you another baby so much! With my sperm," Ben moaned.

"I totally want you to give me another baby with your sperm!" Gwen moaned back. "Your 10 year old sperm. That is functioning. Sperm!"

"Remember how Dr. Animo almost FALCON PAUNCHED your baby into heaven? That sucked," said Ben.

"Yeah, it did! Let's not remember that incident," Gwen said sadly. "It's too depressing!"

"Hey, I've got a wild idea: let's fuck while Grandpa Max watches!" Ben suggested.

"OK, THAT SOUNDS TOTALLY HOT!" Gwen agreed.

"Wait, I need to get the camcorder," Grandpa Max muttered.

"Hey, Gwen! You're not wearing any pantiiiieeees!" Ben teased once he noted his cousin's commando status as she flung her white Capri pants from her thin 10 year old legs.

"Fuck underwear!" Gwen cried out, smiling dementedly. "I just wanna fuck anything with a manly meat rod right now!"

"MY PENIS IS SIX INCHES LONG," Ben screamed, hands thrown back as Gwen began doing unmentionable, against the content rules, and definitely against human sanity sort of shit to him.

There's no way a 50 year old man wrote this story. And there's no way a 20 year old woman parodied it one evening after a friend sent her it via wee-mail. That is all just an unrelated coincidence. I swear.

"My young titties are too full of milk, Ben. You're going to have to use this breast pump to suck it out, so they don't explode!" Gwen screamed.

"Oh shit!" Ben yelled. "I can't right now, I just saw a car on fire over there!"

He jumped out of the Rustbucket as it zoomed down the highway at unreasonable speeds that were far over the limit. Unfortunately for him he forgot to turn into an alien before doing so, so he rolled the fuck out on the highway and nearly got splattered by incoming cars. He luckily rolled down the embankment and into the grass, and was still alive for some godforsaken reason.

"Well that fucking hurt! But not as much as what this story is doing to the canon!"

He used the Omnitrix and changed into Fartknocker. What? That's one of Ben's alien hero dudes, isn't it? Well fuck if it isn't, that's its name now.

"Hang on a sec," Fartknocker said to the man and women who were trapped within a burning car and screaming for help. He flew above the flaming car and turned his big fat alien butt toward the inferno before grunting with all his insectoid strength. "HUUNNNNNNNG!" And behold, the flames were smothered by a great heaping pile of hot, wet dung.

"Oh, um, thanks alien bug guy!" said the shaken and shit-covered man while holding his dear wife.

"Always remember, don't give blowjobs while riding in a moving vehicle!" said Fartknocker. Then, with a great blast from his gaseous hindquarters, he flew off into the sky.

Ben came back to where Gwen and the fat man were standing, though Mr. dirty old man was lying face down in a puddle of his own puke while grumbling intolerantly.

"Ben, get out of that disgusting, smelly alien form and go back to being cute! I'm so horny, I need rigid cock or I'll explode!" she screamed. "THIS IS HOW WOMEN ARE! IT'S BIOLOGY, PEOPLE!"

"Oh fuck!" Ben yelled. That was all the incentive he needed to transform back into his hot 10 year old self, so he did.

And then they fucked. AGAIN!

This is a good story.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: KILL ME KILL ME PLEASE

Ben 10's Hottest Summer Ever

**Chapter 2: Baby I was born that far away**

Ben and Gwen managed to shove their wasted Grandpa back into the Fuckbucket which they'd appropriately renamed it to after a few days and get back on the road for their best summer vacation road trip ever.

"This is the best summer vacation ever!" Ben shouted happily, his face covered with his cousin's unmentionable bodily fluids. "And that was a real good breakfast!"

"Of course! There's nothing like fresh milk, if you get my point!" she said, nudging her cousin with her elbow. "Get it? Get it?!"

"Ha ha yeah I get it, now quit fucking touching me, nerd!" Ben shoved his dumbass yet hotly fuckable cousin away. Fucking nerds.

"Fine, fuck you then, asshole! I'll just be over here entertaining myself, without a cock!" Gwen went back to writing shitty Sumo Slammers porno fan fiction on her laptop. "And then Ishiyama and Kenko's dicks touched, thereby uniting the world in peace and prosperity, forever. Until the rape ninjas attacked the next morning just seven hours before their new baby was to be born."

"Shut the fuck up, you kids! I'm trying to sleep off a hangover here," Max grunted. He went back to snoring rather quickly. After a few minutes he began to mumble while grabbing at his clothed erection. "Oh, Phil. I missed you so much. Come over here, baby. Let me take away your concealed emotional pain. With my big gun. That's a euphemism for something else. It's very hard and happy to see your butt." He farted gently, moaning in pleasure.

"Everyone but me is so fucking boring," Ben groaned. "That's it, I'm going outside to masturbate!"

Fuming, Ben stormed to the RV's door and opened it, only to be greeted once again by that psychotic geneticist, Dr. Animo.

"This is payback for raping me and then accusing me of pedophilia, you retarded little brat!" the weird old fart screamed before unleashing his latest energy transmo-whatsis on Ben.

"NOOOOOOO, I'M TOO KAWAII TO DIE!" Ben screamed as he got covered in nasty oOo rays.

A sudden horrific transformation took place; Ben grew some kawaii kitty ears and a tail, which made him even more shota-dorable.

"What the ever-loving fuck?" Ben gasped, starting with wide eyes at his new fluffy tail and fuzzy ears. D'aw. I threw up in my mouth a little.

"Ah, hell! This plan completely backfired on me because now I actually _do_ want to molest and possibly rape you!" Dr. Animo admitted. "I think I'll just kill myself before I get any worse characterization."

With that statement, Dr. Animo rotated the dial on his pseudo-scientific what-cha-majig, causing a power surge fluctuation that looped back through his makeshift colander helmet and caused his head to explode.

"That was awesome," said Ben, looking over the deceased doctor's splattered grey matter. "Meanwhile, now I'm a fucking cat. But I guess I'll adapt."

Ben shrugged and walked off, swinging his arms and singing happily to himself about how awesome he was.

"I'M A KID, AND I WANT TO HAVE FUN, BUT IF YOU NEED A PUSSY FUCKING, I CAN GET THE JOB DONE!"

Then a car hit him.

"Ow, shit! WHO THREW THAT!" Ben rubbed his head gingerly as he looked around for a culprit.

"It's me, Kevin fucking Levin!" shouted Kevin, having picked up another car and was about to chuck it at his evil yet sexy nemesis, Ben.

"Kevin, you're such an ugly fuckwit," Ben growled. "You're just jealous of my skills and all the chicks I get to knock up, even though I'm fucking 10 years old."

"Nah, ur gay."

"UR GAY!"

"NO U!"

"Someday I will fuck your cousin, you bitch," Kevin declared. Then he ran away crying. What, you thought this would lead somewhere? Chuh. Try a few more chapters onward.

"I'm so bored. I wish I had someone who was actually cool to fight," Ben grumbled.

Suddenly, VILGAX!

Vilgax's dildo-shaped ship landed on the ground a few dozen feet away from our designated hero and the door opened. Vilgax walked out, looking all imposing and gigantic and buff and vaguely cthulhu-like. Wearing his fucking BDSM gear.

"Ben Tennyson!" Vilgax shouted while pointing his claws at Ben. "I will rape you until you like it!"

Ben turned around and gasped dramatically at the camera which wasn't really there while pulling down his sunglasses which he didn't really have.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Not enough brain bleach in the world to save us.

Ben 10's Hottest Summer Ever

**Chapter 3: I don't understand the words I say**

"Aw, shit! Not Dildogax, or whatever the fuck his name was! Again," Ben groaned, slapping a palm to his sweaty, glistening sexy forehead.

"IT'S VILGAX, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!" The cthuloid behemoth jumped twenty feet in the air and came down on Ben's body, snapping it into a dozen or so pieces.

Psych!

Ben was fine. Unfortunately. Because now you have to read the rest of this shit!

Ben turned into Cannonbutt, the fat, rolling piece of shit alien who nobody likes. And if you do, you're fucking stupid.

"God fucking damn, this guy! I hate him so much," Bennonbolt yelled. He turned into a ball and Sonic spin-dashed away as Vilgax stood there being mildly confused but mostly irritated. And horny. Very, very horny.

Five miles down the road, Granpoo Max and Gwen picked Ben up by the roadside.

"Ben, you know you're too young to peddle your body to strangers," Max yelled. "You wait until you're fifteen to do that shit!"

"I know, Grandpa," Ben said forlornly as he entered the RV and took a seat next to his precious cousin. She was stretched out naked on one of the tables in the kitchen, rubbing a jar of KY onto her smooth, flat, supple young midsection.

"Hi, Ben! How's my favorite doofus cousin? You look like shit."

"I feel like shit," Ben admitted as he took no notice of his sexually presenting cousin and sat down. He pulled out a jar of peanut butter and began stuffing his face with finger after finger of sweet comfort food.

"Why, because you're in a fetish story where you're batshit insane out of character and also sexually active with your cousin and Grandpa and have impregnated her a bunch of times even though you're both 10 years old?" Max inquired over a new beer can. "Also you seem to be some kind of cat-hybrid now, what the fuck is up with that?"

"I don't know," Ben muttered. "The weeaboos and furries just think it's cute. But that's not why I'm so down right now. I just almost got raped by Vilgax."

Grandpa Max spit out his beer right into Ben's face.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, BEN!" he yelled, dropping his beer can in order to firmly grasp his hot little grandson's tight, willowy shoulders and shake him like a ragdoll. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SEEING VILGAX EARLIER!?"

"What's with all the shock and horror? It's just Vilgax. He sucks. I'll just beat him anyway when the time comes, right?" Ben said with a shrug.

"That's not how it works in these stories, you little dumbass!" Max warned. "Vilgax can do shit he can't normally do in canon, which means he can hunt you down, Ben! Hunt you down and RAPE YOU UP THE ASS AND MURDER YOU!"

Ben gasped. "B-b-but! I'm the hero! I can't die!" Ben twiddled his thumbs, looking ready to start bawling any moment. "I know I can get raped, but dying? No fucking way! That's so mean!" Crystalline tears began to flow from his little emerald neko-pupiled eyes. "I'm too cute to die, Grandpa! Uwaaah!"

"Don't worry, Ben, we'll save you from big bad Vildorx!" Gwen laughed. "You giant pussy!"

"Shut the fuck up, Gwen! He'll rape you too if he thinks of it," Ben growled at her.

"No he won't. That's totally a crack pairing," Gwen said. She stuck out her tongue.

"That's it, I am going to go Upgrade and slither my way all up in your business!" Ben yelled. He turned into Four Arms instead. "Aw, fuck me! This fucking piece of shit never works right!" Ben-Arms stared at Gwen before getting an evil smile on his precocious little face. "On the other hand. I can finger fuck you now at four times the speed!"

Gwen shrieked as Four-Armpits chased her around, screaming, "If I catch you, I'm gonna fuck you!"

Nine days later, Gwen finally got bored and let him catch her.

AN THEN SHED GOT PRAGGANT AGAIN.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: Noping into the sun.

Ben 10's Hottest Summer Ever

**Chapter 4: Lucky that I have a smokin' body**

The trio of sexy incestual dipshits finally made it to one of their destinations, which was Las Vegas. Grandpa Max was a gambling addict as well as an alcoholic pedophile with a giant boner for both his grand kids, so it came as no surprise. Gwen just wanted to whore around and suck every cock she came within a five foot radius of, also no surprise. Because that's what women are like. Naturally. AS THE LORD INTENDED. No really.

But along they way, they encountered a familiar group of idiots who desired to make their fun trip suck monkey balls.

"Oh shit, are those the fucking Forever Knights? I hate those guys even more than Vilgax!" Ben shouted aggressively when he saw them in their stupid fail LARP medieval costumes.

"Ben Tennyson!" shouted one of them. "Surrender your Omnitrix! And don't even think about changing into one of your nasty aliens or we'll fucking kill you."

"Lawl, nope." Ben smashed the Omnidix into his face and exploded and came back together to form the kewlest alien to ever exist.

FU-FU-FUH-FUH-FEEEEDBAAAACK.

"Oh hell naw, did I just unlock a brand new Gary-Stu up in this bitch?" Ben squealed. He beat the everloving fuck out of the halpless Forever Nerds. "Alien X can go suck it. Oh, wait, I'm not supposed to have that shit yet. LAWL!"

Feedback used his puke powers to throw up inside his mouth and then shoot it out of the tentacle dicks on his head. Because that is is power. Chewed up beef and beans came splurting out and covered the thoroughly trounced Forever Knights Who Say Ni, adding to their current humiliation quite nicely. They started crying like the little bitches they are while demanding shrubberies as a means to cope with their pain.

"Y'all got served," gloated Ben as he dusted off his ugly hands. He skipped off merrily until he got lost in a random forest. "Aw, fuck. This place sucks. The only thing that would be good now is if somebody mysteriously appeared for me to get semen all over during a proper good dickin'."

And then Kai Green showed up, wearing nothing but a bikini top but no bottom.

Ben's mouth dropped open and a torrential flood of drool saliva came out. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW YEAH I LOVE DIS FIC!"

But then her dad-uncle-person showed up too.

"Aw, fuck me," Ben groaned.

Magister Disaster Green's eyes lit up.

"Whoa, whoa, dude. I didn't mean it like that!" Ben yelled while waving his arms at the waggling brows and flopping tongue of the creepy Indian guy who wasn't the cool one from Poltergeist II. "I only like things with vaginas."

"How do you know I don't have one?" Mr. Green questioned to him philosophically.

"Uh, gender binary much?" Ben wrinkled his nose in disgust. Non-conformists. So droll.

Mr. Green lifted his pink sequined skirt and a blinding light exploded outward, blinding Ben with its blinding blindingness.

"AUUUUGH! I'M BLIND IN MY EYES WHICH CANNOT SEE REFLECTED LIGHT FROM MY RETINAS!"

"I'm not Old Gregg, but I'm pretty damn close," Mr. Green cried out while grinning madly.

"YOUR MUSTACHE IS DRAWN ON! I SAW IT BRIEFLY BEFORE YOU BLINDED ME WITH FURIOUS LIGHT FROM YOUR NETHER REGIONS!" Ben yelled, his eyes still covered.

"It's true," Kai confirmed, rubbing her perky buds out of boredom. And a constant horniness the likes of which few had lived through. "He's weird like that."

"That was the radiant light emanating from my MANGINA!" cried Mr. Green. "Now, motherlicker, give me your nubile bod!"

"No! No homo!" Ben screamed. He quivered as fetid old man breath hit the side of his youthful face. "Oh my g-g-god!"

"You ever drunk Baileys from a shoe?" whispered Mr. Green raspily, his hot flesh pressed tightly against Ben's. "Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?"

Ben hitched a terrified sob in his throat.

"What do you think of me?" cooed Mr. Green.

Kai just rolled her eyes. With all this screwing around, she wasn't going to get screwed in this chapter. Fuck.

_MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE RAPEFUCKET._

I mean the Rustbucket.

(No I don't)

Gwen was sliding her butt around on the carpet. "GOD DAMN IT, WHERE IS BEN? I NEED DICK." She cursed her hot cousin for never being around when she needed him. To impregnate her. With semen. 10 year old boy semen.

AAAAAH THERE'S 15 CHAPTERS OF THIS!

_Back to Ben's dilemma._

"I just wanna know what to do bcuz I need yo love," Mr. Green whispered in Ben's ear.

"I gotta go fight Vilgax or something," Ben squealed, shoving the wanton offender off his person before dusting himself off and running the fuck away. "VILGAX, WHERE ARE YOU? I'M SORRY I REJECTED YOU, I LOVE YOU! COME BACK AND SAVE ME FROM THE OTHER RAPIST! HE WASN'T AS COOL AS YOU!"

Ben reached a clearing and panted with his hands resting on his knees.

"Damn. I would have fucked Kai against a tree but then that shit happens. It's like I'm being cock-blocked by a bad parody of a bunch of shitty rape-molestation fics involving children because it's against the rules of a website to post that content in the first place so I can never be shown having revoltingly bad sexual scenes with everybody! I'm 10 years old by the way." Ben winked at camera and have a thumbs up. "Wait, why do I keep doing that?"

God damn it, Ben.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: HAHAHAHAHAHA HAAHAH AHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHA AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GASP, GASP, GASP.

_You have received a message from:_

_jameis_

_Subject: want to play a vore rp with me pretty please_

_? ? ? ? ?_

EKUSUUU DEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEE HEEEE HEEE I LOVE THIS WEBSITE

Actually I don't but this was funny as hell when I opened my box today. I figured somebody was gonna be bitching at me again because I make fun of their things. Which are also _my_ things. Because I have the rare ability to laugh at my things when they're stupid. Unlike most people around the interbutts. Which is sad.

**Chapter 5: Lucky that I am such a hottie**

Last time, on Blen 10!

Our prepubescent sex god was failing at life or something. Like usual.

"VILGAX, HONEY? WHERE ARE YOU?" Ben screamed into the vast expanse of delicious oxygen and clouds. A bird shit in his mouth. "AW, FUCK ME WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW!"

He wiped furiously after hacking up the rest of his lunch which was Lunchables because they're awesome until he got the taste of birdie poos off his sensitive tongue.

As if on cue, Vilgax's long penis-tentacle-pair o' plyers ship thing flew overhead and stopped abruptly with the comical sound of a screeching needle being plucked from a record. A "record player" is a thing that your mommas and daddys had back in the 1960s for which to play music off of. I'm sure Google has a nice picture of one.

"BEN, MY LOVE!" Vilgax shouted from the open doorway before plunging to the ground below, hitting it with the force of a thousand atom bombs, and then standing up like no sweat what so fucking ever because he's VILGAX. Then he began skipping rather effeminately toward Ben, who was flat on the ground having been jostled by the force of the impact when Villy landed. "Oh, Ben! Sugar baby! I'm here for you!"

The massive monstrosity and former conqueror of like half the galaxy scooped up Ben's form in his giant, sinewy, muscular agreen arms and cuddled him tightly while a torrent of crystalline tear waterfalls flowed from his beady, blank red eyes down his cheeks.

"This is totally in-character for me, fuck off, haters, you don't know shit about canon. Like Dwayne McDoofie. Oh, Ben! My love!" Vilgax weeped heavily.

"How dare you insult a dead man!" Gwen shouted, appearing from the heavens above. No, wait, she just jumped out of a random tree. I don't know how she got there. USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

"Gwen, we're kind of in the middle of something here," Ben grunted, finding the strength to pry his quivering lips from Vilgax's own.

"What the fuck are you doing, Ben? I thought you and Vilfagz hated each other!" Gwen screamed, stomping her innocent little foot into the lush, sun-kissed earth. "And I thought you were in love with ME!" At the thought of not having a proper daily dicking from her 10 year old doofus cousin, Gwen's ovaries exploded out of self-defense.

Grandpoo Max's head appeared out of a gopher hole. "Did some bitch's ovaries just explode? Or do I need to get this hearing aid replaced?"

"No, Grandpa, that was me," Gwen began to cry with her face in her hands. "FUCK MY LIFE, NOW I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!"

"Uh. Didn't you fuck your cousin enough times to have like fifteen or so babies?" Grandpa inquired.

"I was gonna convert to born again virgin which negates all previous incestual pregnancies," she told him.

"Good for you then honey. If you need me, I'll be in the Rustbucket having indecent relations with the coffee pot." He sank back into the ground without further utterance, leaving no trace but the wafting stink of old man farts.

Meanwhile, Ben and Vilgax had progressed to "almost rape but not quite rape, so technically it's not rape and is pretty consensual. Except it's not" sex on the lawn.

"OH MY GOD YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Gwen screeched like a dying cat crossed with a dying bird who were both being slowly burned to death while a handful of teenage boys laughed mercilessly while filming it for Youtube.

"Urgh, I can't fuck-make love-almost rape you to that awful noise, Ben." Vilgax stood up while readjusting his armored pantaloons. "Bitch totally ruined the mood! I'll see you laters." He began to walk with great thundering strides back to his waiting dick-ship.

Ben's mouth dropped open in dismay. "NOOOOOO! THERE WAS GONNA BE SOME DICKBUTTS!"

The audience began to weep in unison, for they also wished to see some dickbutts. No dickbutts today. Sniffle!

"Ben," Gwen growled while grabbing her idiot cousin's head within her hands firmly, squeezing his cheeks, "think of Jesus while you look at my nonexistent boob-buds, and remember. You are a hero. Also you fuck women. And ONLY women. Like me. Your cousin! Is that clear, you stupid fucking dipshit?"

Unsure, Ben nodded anyway. His cousin was fucking scary like that. It was like she was constantly on the rag. Hell, maybe she was. She was very fertile for her age. Which was 10. 10 years old. Eeeeeeeeyep.

"Ben Tennyson!" shouted a dirty old man voice. Surprisingly it did not originate from their disgusting pedophile grand-paw.

"What the fuck? Dr. Animal?" Ben gasped.

Sure enough, there was Doctah Wack-A-Mole, standing there, looking all ugly and weird. He smelled like animals, yo. You would too if you hung around them all day. And also never washed your nasty butt, like, ever. Seriously, does he even change his clothes? I don't think so. Nasty, nasty.

"It's DR. ANIME, YOU FUCK!" he yelled, ripping open his stained wifebeater and exposing his Otaku cred badges.

"WHATEVER, AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT." Ben shook his head aggressively. "How the hell are you alive? Didn't your head explode some odd chapters ago?" he inquired.

"What, you were paying attention to this shit?" Dr. Anime looked appalled. "You're such a loser!"

Ben grinded his teeth furiously, looking ready to slap a bitch. "I'll show you what a loser I am when I'm shoving an alien dinosaur foot up yo ass!" He bit into his Ozzie-n-Drix and warp-Digivolved into HUMUNGADRAMON!

Oh no wait LOL LOL LOL he fucked up and went Gaymadder instead.

"God damn it," Gaymadder whined in his whiny not Invader Zim Richard Horvitz voice. "FUCKING CHINESE PIECE OF SHIT FAILURE I HATE YOU!" He inspected the inscription on the OmniTrixisforKids more closely and found out his rage should have been directed at illegal immigrants chained up in sweaty labor camps for it said, quite clearly "HECHO EN MEXICO" on the back.

Dr. Anime smashed the fuck out of him with his much larger foot.

"Suck that, bitch!"

"No, get off my sexy cousin, you fucking creep!" Gwen cried.

She hurled herself into the good doctor's midsection, finding the scent collecting there not as unpleasant as she would have thought at first, and they tumbled to the ground together. And they laid there, unmoving, for a long time.

About twenty seconds. Until Doc Amnimal shoved her off and screamed like a little girl who saw an icky spider or Jew and was like "AAAAH, GET AWAY FROM ME, I'M NOT GOING TO PRISON FOR PEDOPHILIA, THEY RAPE YOU THE HARDEST AND MAKE YOU BLEED AND THEN THEY FORCE YOU TO EAT YOUR OWN SHIT!"

"Yeah, I know. That's what we tried to frame you for that," Ben said once he changed back into his kawaii old self and dusted himself off. "We don't like you. Duh!"

"Well I don't like you either. Which is why I made THIS!" Doc Amnimal whipped out a big laser looking thing and held it above his head. Everyone just now began to notice that part of his head was sliced off and had been replaced by a glass dome that exposed his brain. Fucking gross. WTF.

"What is that?" Ben yelled fearfully.

"It's my EVIL MACGUFFIN DEVICE!" he shouted and then cackled madly.

"No, I mean that thing on your head that's not your skull where I can see your brain," Ben corrected. "How the fuck did you even do that to yourself?"

Doc shrugged with a noncommittal "I 'unno. The same way I grafted my head onto a fat, stinking, flea-infested dead gorilla in the future?"

Ben pondered for a second. "Makes sense, I guess. And by that I mean it makes no sense whatever, but fuck it."

"Exactly," Doc agreed. He lowered the stupid thing and grinned with disgustingly yellow canines toward little Benji-kun. "Back on topic, this device I created through means which I am never going to explain, and neither is the story, is going to fuck up your life even worse than it already is, Ben Tennyson!"

"Oh god, no. It's going to give me a 5th season instead of letting this fatigued, completely toy sale motivated series finally die a semi-dignified death, like it should have died after one fucking season?! NOOOOO! PLEASE, NOT THAT!"

Ben collapsed to the ground, sobbing fitfully.

"I don't wanna go on! I don't wanna! P-please, don't shoot that gun, Doctor. I'll do anything! I-I-I'll suck yo di-"

"Bawammo," Dr. Dorkenstein said as he gleefully flipped the switch and fired.

Ben was now a full four-legged cat, instead of just having kitty ears and a tail desu. Holy shit.

Continuity.

"HOLY SHIT!" Gwen screamed.

"Holy shit!" Ben chorused. Only it came out as "MEOW MEOW MEW!" Because he couldn't speak the English any longer. He's a fuckin' cat.

Dr. Animo was laughing his bony ass off.

"Now you'll never use your dick again!" he sneered. "Because cats have barbed dicks and nobody wants that fuckery all up in they business! HA HA FUCKING HA!"

With that, the evil mad scientist guy ran away really fast, leaving a crying Gwen and traumatized Ben to come to terms with their situation.

OH NO, NOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? STAY TUNED FOR NEXT TIME, KIDDIES!

Whenever that is.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: YAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHA ARGOST FAN/CRYPTID FAN/WADI FAN/BARON FINSTER FAN/SNOW COYOTE PREDICTABLY BLOCKED ME!

Do I win a prize?

My comment I would have posted but I got the message of U DONE BEEN BAAAAWLOCKED:

_You really do live in your own sad, freaky little world, don'cha? So, once again, for the rest of "eternity" you're going to poop out on a near daily basis hundreds upon hundreds of viciously OOC furry Mary-Sue/canon crying fetish fics in the Ben fandom since the Sats started collectively ignoring you and your rampant gay fetishization and not giving you the attention you so desperately crave? Damn. Just when I thought there'd be one fandom safe from this hysterical madness you bring to the table._

_Welp, admittedly, I'm somewhat entertained. _

_Bring it on then! I sincerely WANT to see how badly you can further butcher this maniacal dude's characterization into kawaii wabbu-wabbu desu for the sake of your multitude of obvious and creepy fetishes. Could you throw in some more pissing in mouths, pedophilia and gratuitous, violent rape into the mix, like the good ol' days? It's a little repetitive with just the sobbing, boxer shorts, sobbing, boxer shorts, sobbing in boxer shorts, digital alarm clocks and carefree picnics in the Null Void going on._

God, I love this website even more. And by love I mean cringe my face up at like if I saw a festering hobo taking a wet dump into a mall fountain while I was trying to eat a sloppy burger. But, hey, at least she stopped screaming at us all in her author's notes and posting vindictive counter-reviews to her own stories. LOL!

**Chapter 6: Whatever, don't matter**

Last time, on Blen 10! Our hero had done gotten himself into some big, stinking shit.

He was now a kawaii kitty, oops I mean NEKO-JIN thing. Because of the evil Dr. Wabbu-Wabbu, who for reasons unknown but it might have something to do with the latest comical incident mentioned in _le autere's_ notes was crying a terribly uncharacteristic river of sweet, sweet crystalline old man tears.

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN ME INTO A CAT-PERSON THING, YOU CREEPY UNWASHED DICKHOLE!" Ben screamed in a voice high and loud enough to shatter the windows of tall buildings. "NOW I SHAN'T GET ANY BITCHES!"

"Barbed dick? What did he mean by that, Ben? WHAT DID HE MEAN?" Gwen spoke in panicked intonations, feeling a slight curiosity welling in her loins even so. How did barbs feel inside one's tender vagina? Did she want to know? Yes, she probs did. She was into pain. Pain that hurt so good. Pain that let her know where her position in life was. And that was face down, ass up. That's the way she like to fuck.

"I mutatified you into a cute widdly kitty," Doc cried between sobs, "because you murdered my favorite pet cat a year ago, you little fucking shit!"

He cried so hard, snot was pouring out of his hairy nose amid his waterfall of kawaii uguu tears. His shoulders heaved up and down with the force of his sad old man crying. It was so wet and so fucking kawaii, seeing him so out of fucking character like this. I had a lady boner like nobody's business, as I'm sure several of the audience do now. Seeing vicious, sociopathic evil ruthless men with little to no redeeming qualities rendered into hysterical, sobbing man-children pitiable woobie-doobies turns me on so bad. It's not speaking any volumes about underlying issues or the fact that I cannot begin to see how fucked it is that I need to completely rape a character's canon personality in order to justify my undying love for them, which only proves I don't care about them at all outside of my narrowly self-enforced world of fetishes and warped weeaboo-saturated thinking, fuck you all you bitches don't know them as well as I do, I'm married to them on the ASTRAL PLANE!

"This is freaking me the fuck out," Ben muttered, stepping backward fearfully. "I don't remember killing any cat. That seems really OOC for me, even in a piece of shit fic like this."

"Well," Doctor Dacryphilia said between the choked sobbing, "It might have just been my hallucinating during one of my wild drug-trips where I actually killed my own pet cat through my sick, incredibly callous genetic experiments that I do regularly in canon. Because I am a completely insufferable, egotistical, vengeful, mentally unstable, immature, socially inept, reclusive, whiny, delusional, homicidal, psychotic bastard with no redeeming qualities whatever, and am not actually the kindly, huggable, overly emotional, sympathetic, weepy, passionately devoted animal lover that some desperately attempt to make me out as because they're obsessed with the yaoi mang-gagas. But I'm going to blame you for it anyway because I'm a crotchety old fuck like that!"

For reasons again currently unknown, his pants were gone, exposing his cute little baby duck print BOXER SHORTS.

'Whoa, what the fuck!" Ben yelled.

Dr. BOXER SHORTS began to sob profusely in his BOXER SHORTS while remembering his poor beloved dead cat who's name he didn't recall but it was probably something real cute like "Mittens" or "Boots." Or "Megalomania."

"OK, this is getting awkward. Can we just fight or something now?" Ben still had his Omnitrix and it seemed to be in working condition. A stroke of good luck. FOR ONCE!

Dr. Animoo continued to sob with the sobs of a thousand sobs. "OH," he sobbed, "KAY!" He sobbed again.

Just when you thought he wouldn't sob anymore, he started sobbing again as he pushed a button on his chest-dooder thingy and lasers came out of his head doddle whatever it is, hitting a nearby rabbit hole. A horrifyingly mutated and deformed rabbit burst up from the dirt, roaring like something out of Jurassic Park. The first film, not the sequels. Fucking sequelitis.

Gwen screamed and ran up a tree, vaguely wondering what a mutated rabbit dick felt like as she climbed into the welcoming leafy boughs.

"AWWWW RIIIGHT, THIS IS ALMOST LIKE A REAL BEN 10 STORY NOW!" Ben yelled.

He transformed himself into a random alien. A random alien that just so happened to be VELOCI-RAPTOR! Sorry, I couldn't think of a stupid-funny name for him so I went with what I used to call him back in the day when I couldn't remember his name fast enough and it became a running in-joke.

"SCHWIGGITY-SCHWONG!" yelled Veloci-raptor in his goddamn irritating Cobra Commander after he chain-smoked for a few dozen years voice.

He ran to China and back all in the span of time it took Dr. Daddy Fetish to lessen up on his profound water works and try to direct his evil bunny into battle. Ben as Veloci-raptor just kicked it in its cute little mutilated button nose, making its double set of blood-red eyes blink and slip shut. It fell over with its inky black tongue hanging out between its mangled maw of razor-sharp teeth.

"YOU KNOCKED MY BUN-BUN DOWN!" Doc screeched.

He burst into a whole new barrage of hysterical desu tears. Did I mention he was wearing BOXER SHORTS? He was wearing BOXER SHORTS. And his pants were gone so you could see them very clearly. They used to be white but were all gray and dirty now and had piss stains on them at the crotch and other stains we won't mention. But they had little baby duckies on them, so kawaii! I like seeing creepy old men in their BOXER SHORTS.

"Oh, come on. It's not dead, I just knocked it out," Ben tried to tell him. "Look, I'll buy you an ice cream if you stop crying, OK?"

Doc sniffled, his tortured sobs reducing a fraction. "Really?" he sniffed again.

"Yeah, sure, whatever!" Ben frantically looked around for an ice cream truck. He heard one about three blocks over and ran to it at the speed of outsourced Korean animation. "GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR BOMB POPS, CHOCO TACOS AND NINJA TURTLE FACES, YOU FUCK!" he screamed at the unsuspecting driver through the window.

"Holy shit, please don't kill me, I have a husband and two adopted Chinese babies on the way!" the poor terrified ice cream vendor cried.

Soon Ben-Bens had as much ice-screamy goodness that his thin, blue, freaky-clawed alien-lizard arms could handle. He raced back and dumped it all before the wobbling, pale, hairy knees of his now silently tearing enemy.

"Ooh, one that looks like Sonic the Hedgehog!" Dr. Waaanimo said like an easily distracted two year old and went for the frozen treat.

That was when Ben punched him in the fucking head, knocking him out cold alongside his actually dead bunny. HA HA, WHAT A LIAR!

"Fucking freak!" Ben turned back into a human-slash-cat-boy and kicked his enemy's outstretched leg. "Somebody call the police so this creepy old fuck doesn't show back up two pages later."

Gwen fell out of the tree, having been accosted by a family of squirrels when she tried to suck on some of their nuts. And they're not the nuts you're thinking of.

OR ARE THEY?

It depends on which nuts you were thinking of. Wink!

Back to the story, A WILD ROJO APPEARED!

With no real explanation, because who the fuck needs that in a fan fiction?

"TOUGH CHICK BIKER FETISH!" she yelled.

She ran over Ben with her hot ass motorcycle. Ben let out a squealing noise not unlike a horde of fanboys who had just heard their favorite comic hero was receiving a race lift in an upcoming film.

"What are you doing here, you weird ugly lady?" Gwen demanded.

"How the fuck should I know?" Rojo retorted, revving her engine and scaring all the old folks within the park who were feeding bread to little birdies and remember how awesome the Depression was.

"Well, if you're here I suppose you want to kill my doofus cousin or something, right?"

"Not really."

"Well than what will you do?"

"I dunno. Hows about I kidnap you and have forceful pedophiliac lesbian intercourse scenes with you?"

Gwen gasped. On one hand, that was fucking gross. On the other hand, that was hot as fuck. Her ovaries regrew.

"Help, Ben, I'm being kidnapped by a really butch lesbian who the straight men can't fetishize properly enough to care about!" Gwen yelled as she was hoisted onto the bitch seat of the bike and driven away into the sunset.

But Ben was too busy jacking off with his tail, which he had found to be quite the erogenous zone.

"Maybe being a cat-boy isn't so bad after all!" he moaned heavily. "I wonder if my ears are this sensitive too." He reached up and touched them lightly. AND HE JIZZED IN HIS PANTS. "Oh, GAWD! They're so sensitive!"

Ben fell to the earth and quivered sexily.

Maybe he didn't need endless harems of bitches to be happy. Maybe all he really needed was a little alone time. And a kawaii bell on a leather neck strap.

"Hey, Benji. You're looking kawaii as fuck, aren't you?"

Shit. He recognized that voice too well.

"Kevin!" Ben yelled as he sat up. He blushed furiously while zipping up his pants.

Homoerotic tension was thick in the air. Like a flavorful cheese spread. You could practically sloop it with a knife and spread it all over some brioche.

Mmm, mmm. Tasty.

"You're such a pussy, Blen," Kevin said coldly. "If I was the main character in this show it would have had eleven seasons by now. And none of them would have sucked rancid dicks like the successor sequels."

"NO U!" Ben screamed, hurling himself at the object of his rage and secretly desperate future latent homosexual urges.

They met head-on and began to fight, tumbling down the grassy embankment, where they ended up sweaty and spent by a lake side.

"Did we just fuck?" Ben groaned.

"No, you fucking pedo-pedophile," Kevin informed him before punching the fuck out of his flawless baby face.

Ben fell into the water. He took the time to change into RIPJAWS: THE REVENGE and swim away. Not at all like a pussy. It was a purely tactical maneuver.

"I'll get you next time, Tennyson! Next time!" Kevin yelled, before a mob of his Astral Plane Wives rushed him and began to tear off his clothes. And his delicious, savory flesh.

_BACK AT THE RUSTED BUCKET_

Ben dragged his soaking wet ass to the door of the RV and sighed heavily with the exhaustion of his excruciatingly fucked up day.

"This day started out so nice. What the fuck happened?" he lamented. He opened the door.

A familiar scent invaded his nostrils. Fetid and rank, it was. He knew it well.

It was the scent of DIRTY, DIRTY, UNSPEAKABLE SEXUAL DEVIANCY!

"Gwen?" Ben shouted into the darkened space.

He ran to the bedding areas and found Gwen and his Grandpa locked in an abominable embrace. They were nekkid.

Ben balked. His eyes blinked repeatedly.

"You-You-YOU! YOU FUCKERS!"

Gwen pulled her tongue out of Gramp's beer-soaked orifice. "Ben! You're back? I figured you'd be fighting more criminal thugs! I-I swear, this isn't what you think!"

"Yeah, I'm totally not fucking your underaged cousin, I swear," said Grandpa Wacks. "My dick has been in my hand the whole time."

Ben stomped his foot and let out a maddening shriek.

"I WANT MY OLD DICK BACK!"

He turned around, crying furiously, and ran to hunt down and torture Dr. Furfrag McDickstealer until he repaired his biology back to that of a glorious cishet white boy.

But, alas, Doc Shit-Dickins had been collected by the local authorities not seventeen minutes prior to his arrival.

"God fucking DAMN it," Ben grunted. "I must catch that police car!" He viewed it a few blocks in the distance, heading toward the station, wherever that was. "Time is of the essence! I mustn't tarry!"

He ran his tongue over the hot button of his precious Omniclit, teasing it just so, that it might give him the desired alien of choice for once and not a useless piece of shit alien that he would be forced to adapt to on the fly.

He turned into GAY BIG!

"Allllllll riiiiiiiiiiiight!"

After breaking into a victory dance that leveled half the block, he jogged merrily in pursuit of the police car containing his most annoying recurring enemy, aside from his not-quite soulmate, Vilgax.

"I'M GOING TO STOMP THE PISS OUT OF YOU, DOCTOR DANIMALS!" Gay Big asserted. He had a sudden powerful craving for drinkable yogurt.

Stay tuned for the next installment of crude parodismal fuckery to come.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: *Heavy voice* EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

**Chapter 7: I can stir up pancake batter**

Last time, on BLEN 10! I forgot WTF was going on and got kind of tired of how the story was progressing so here's some other fun sexy times.

Gay Big was standing over Doctah Weeaboo, ready to toe-step his ineffectual sympathetic wooby-doo ass into the pavement.

"NOW, YOU DIE, PETA-WORSHIPPER!" Gay Big thundered over the hills and dales, his mighty Kaiju-Sentai foot raised high.

Suddenly a figure leaped into view. It was somewhat misshapen but distinctly female, dressed in a visibly stained and unwashed t-shirt which read: **_UNCANCEL TEH SECRIT SATURDAYZ!_** in bold red letters.

"STAWP, YOU EVIL H8TER!" the mysterious figure screeched in a voice like a thousand prepubescent Beliebers, skinny, impossibly sheet-white pale arms raised. One hand held a sign that said **DIE 4 OUR SHIPZ** in both crude American English and superior accompanying Nihongo (that means Japanese, all you baka gaijin!). "I WON'T LET YOU HURT THIS DAI SUKI KAWAII BISHONEN, DESU!"

"Hey, could you like get out of the way? I'm about to stomp the fuck out of this wholly unsympathetic annoying villain guy here," said Gay Big.

"EEE-YEH!" she screamed. "GO AWAY AND LEAVE MY POOR WOOBIE ALONE, YOU BASUTARDO! OMAI, ACHI IKE!"

Gay Big blinked confusedly. His leg had begun to cramp so he set it down and accidentally crushed a guy on a bike. "OK, I may look like a hilarious parody of Japanese Tokusatsu characters but I actually am this totally American-born completely English-speaking white boy who doesn't understand a lick of your crazy half-Moonspeak."

Meanwhile, Dorkster Dickenstein had smartly taken this confusing distraction weeaboo parody loltime to run away. Gay Big noticed only twelve and a half seconds too late. His enemy was already hailing a taxi, which stopped on a dime, darn the luck, and quickly speeded off down the street to freedom.

"DAMN IT, Dr. Wackamole got away!" shouted GABEN as the Omnimatrix went "Doo da dee do da DO" and he changed back into a dickish and irritating yet lovable and popular Gary-Stu moron. "This is all YOUR FAULT, weird lady!" he accused, twenty seconds before receiving a severe beating from the enraged weeb. "AH! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! NOBODY'LL WRITE ME INTO PORN ANYMORE IF IT'S TAINTED!"

"DIE, DIE, DIE, STUPID AMERIKAJIN FUCKFACE! BAKAYARO!" the weirdo screeched in a pitch loud enough to startle several nearby dogs into lifting their cute fuzzy ears high. Then, the scathing mockery portion of the fic over for the moment, she ran away and faded back into obscurity.

(LOL, we wish.)

"Jesus shit, what the fuck was that all about?" Ben rubbed his aching head and looked around. "Where's Vilgax? Wasn't I battling him a few chapters ago? DOES THIS STORY EVEN HAVE ANY PLOT CONTINGENCY WHATSOEVER?"

Suddenly Kevin WEE Levin showed back up. So yes. Kind of.

"Oh Benji," he cooed. He strode forward with the sexiest of strides and gave all the yaoi fans in the audience a knowing, sultry wink before ripping off his shirt. "Oops, my shirt fell off." He moved uncomfortably close to Ben-Bens and pawed greasy, salty, fry-stained fingers through his num-num's equally greasy, hair gel caked hair. "Guess you'll have to buy me a new one."

"Dude, it's not masculine for guys to go out shopping. Only vaginas do shit like that," Ben remarked with irritation, doing a girly motion hand wave to get Kevie's digits out his shaggy mop. He briefly readjusted its fabulousness before placing his hands on his hips and giving Kevvers the stink eye.

"Oh Ben. You're so attached to your gender binary."

Ben lifted a sexy brow. "The fuck, mang, didn't you call me a faggot like some odd pages before?"

"No," Kevin said. "And if I did, I didn't do it in a homophobic way anyway, so what."

Ben gripped his temples steadily. "Yeah, but, like, the word is inherently homophobic?!"

"Language has changed through the years, man. Get with times. Shit doesn't mean what people try to say it means. Unless it means something that personally offends them, and not minority groups." Kevin pulled Bennie closer, blinking his long eyelashes rapidly. "Now let's fuck!"

Ben screamed like a two year in a crowded movie theater, shoved Kevin away and then began running for his butthole's virginity, far away, across the park and toward the street.

This was a short chapter because I stopped caring about this to work on other stuff.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's note: LOL WTF?

_Guest _

_Rascist fuckin dipshit I hope you die in a hole you fuckin pussy I dare you read this out loud someone will fucking bury you you asshole FUCKING BITCH!_

How do I cause this much raging mass chaos and confusion with words incoherently barfed into my Doc Manager? It's a gift of genius.

_SHITFUCKER _

_YOU HAVE THE BEST REVIEWS I'M LAUGHING SO HARD_

I KNOW, ME TOO!

_Shitload of Fuck _

_I don't know what's worse, the story itself of your legion of "fans" here, who don't understand the fine art of deliberately pissing everyone off for the laughs._

YAH.

Wait, I have fans? Or "fans" as you put it, I would guess implying you don't really mean fans in the real sense and were being sarcastic.

Either way, YAH.

_NaruYasha352_

_Are you ever going to return the other parodies you had here?_

PROBLY NOT.

I'm too lazy and spurned after the while LJ community fail thing. You can keep putting them on Pastebin and Tumblr or wherever if you want yourselves though. I don't give a fuck who reposts my crap anymore. Go nuts.

**Chapter 8: I will shake my ****derriere**

LAST last time, on BLEN 10! The story changed a lot due to me not caring anymore.

In fact, _FIVE WHOLE YEARS_ had passed!

So let's get back to the even sexier story full of hot white teenage boys.

And probably some slutty teen bitches, but I 'unno. Vaginas are yucky.

(LOL, INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY.)

Ben Venison skipped merrily along his path to the local Mr. Smoothy shop from which he wished to purchase a delicious, nutritious beverage to quench his mighty thirst gained after kicking so much evil villain ass on a previously undetailed adventure.

"Tra-la-la! Today I witness what is a very satisfactory amount of pleasant weather for this time of year. This pleases me!" Ben proclaimed whist he continued on his adventure.

After a short period of motion he reached his desired destination. The Mr. Smoothy's sign greeted him warmly as he approached the beverage cashier.

"Greetings, merchant! I am thirsty. I would like to purchase one of your tasteful wares."

The cashier smiled. "Which flavor would you desire to purchase?" asked the cashier to his customer. "We have many flavors." He gestured to a large display of flavors available for purchase. There was chocolate, peanut butter, strawberry, pineapple, peach, mango, grape, banana, kiwi, apple, tomato, broccoli, carrot, bee's wax, wasabi, breast milk, ect.

Ben observed the large wall of flavors before deciding on which he wanted to buy prior to a grin on his face. "I will have one carrot and vinegar-mango smoothie!"

"Here is your selected purchase," replied the cashier while handing him his drink and accepting Ben's payment.

Ben took the drink. He walked over a table. He sat down. He raised his cup and placed the straw manually into his oral cavity. He drank for several minutes while savoring the exotic flavors. "Mmm, mm, dat's good smoothie!" He frowned before realizing he had slipped character by talking like a realistic human being. "Oops! I shall once again proceed to speak like a robot with Aspergers."

"BEN!" shouted a voice.

Ben cringed. *Oh no, it's my annoying cousin, Gwen Bennyson! She must have come here with her boyfriend, Kevin E. Levin, who used to be my former enemy before the show became a confusingly retconned teen drama!* he thought. He turned around and observed them walking toward his table. He also observed them sitting down and holding hands and making out hotly before acknowledging him once again.

"Hey Ben, how many times have you saved the universe today?" Kevin Levin joked.

"Oh, just once! I shan't boast about it. Just kidding!" Ben shouted. "I'm the greatest 15 year old hero who ever lived!"

"What an ego," Gwen said while rolling her ocular organs skyward. "That's my doofus cousin! He hasn't changed much. Except for his character design, personality, attitude, ect."

"No one cares," Kevin reminded her. And then they jabbed tongues into each other's oral cavities once more. Gwen massaged her boyfriend's shirtless upper body.

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt, Kevin?" Ben inquired.

"Why wear clothes if you're just going to lose them in every story you appear in?" Kevin laughed.

"Good point," Ben responded. He sipped from his beverage again. *This is a perfect opportunity for a villain to blindly wander in and attempt to battle me* he thought.

Suddenly several of his former enemies, The Circus Freaks, Sublimino, Dr. Animo, Vilgax, Psyphon, Sunder, Aggregor, Adwaita, Hex, and Charmcaster even though the story doesn't need the inclusion of another female character, appeared after walking down the street toward the Mr. Smoothy's Ben just happened to be sitting at during the time.

"Several of my enemies! They appear mysteriously and conveniently out of nowhere!" Ben yelled. "It's Hero Time!" Ben raised his hand manually in an attempt to transform into a hero alien of his choice, but paused. "I'll finish my smoothie first before it gets warm."

"Look, it's our young enemy, Ben Dennyson!" shouted Sublimino before tripping over his comically long coat tails and falling on his face. Because there's nothing like taking one minor comedic situation and stretching it until it becomes a manufactured part of that character's personality. He struggled to get up but couldn't due to extreme clumsiness. So he just flailed there and yelled random things into the air in his not Invader Zim voice.

"Ben Tennisballs," growled Frightwig. "I shall use my hair tendrils to strangle you until death!" She shouted before attempting to do exactly that.

Ben jumped away at the last minute and her hair ball things smacked her comrades in the head, knocking them out cold, before they twisted around her own body and tied her up. She fell to the ground.

"Well, fuck me! Why does that always happen?"

"It's because you suck," Ben said simply before smiling .

"They might be amateurs, Pennyson, but I am a professional!" Sunder spoke before positioning himself into an attack position. He attacked.

Ben had finished his smoothie prior to Sunder's speech and flung the cup at his head. It struck him, dumping some leftover smoothie remnants onto his face. He became blinded. Pronouns.

"Ah, I can't see!" Sunder yelled. He crashed into the side of a building.

"You may have defeated your other inept adversaries, you disturbingly molestable brat, but you shall not defeat Dr. Animo!" said Dr. Animo. He unleashed his newest mutant which was an adorable red panda. "Now, my pet! Murder Ben Blenison!"

The red panda prepared to attack, but its mutation had weakened its hard and it died tragically due to a sudden fatal heart attack. It collapsed.

Dr. Animo began to sob uncontrollably while stripping down to his underwear. He hugged his expired creation and wailed in despair.

"I guess that wraps up our fight before it begins," muttered Ben. *Why does he always strip to his underwear so often?* Ben pondered. *It's fucking creepy* he thought uneasily.

"We will defeat you, you overconfident little fool," declared the evil magician Hex while Charmcaster stood beside him. "Charmcaster, aid me in this fight so that we may defeat our common enemy by outnumbering him!"

"Yes, Uncle Hex," she said fearfully. *I can't question my terrifying evil uncle, or he'll beat me and then lock me in the dark closet again!* she thought. She cowered while recalling the times she spent locked in her uncle's rape dungeon as well. It made the closet a lot more appealing.

"Try what you like, but not even the two of you teamed up can defeat me," Ben informed them.

Hex had a sudden convenient heart attack and dropped to the ground before he reached Ben. Charmcaster gasped. Ben took advantage of the female's shock to hide under a nearby table. Charmcaster gasped, witnessing her enemy's disappearance. She thought he ran away so she shrugged and went home to throw a party celebrating her evil uncle's death. She was going to suck so much dick tonight.

Ben turned and looked for his next enemy. He observed Adwaita getting stopped for autographs by many young children who mistook him for a ninja turtle. He was too distracted to battle. Ben shrugged.

"Who's next?" Ben inquired.

He observed Vilgax and Psyphon making out with each other on one of the tables. Kevin and Gwen were imitating them.

"You're not going to fight me?" Ben grumbled. He folded his arms while frowning. "OK then. Who's left?"

Aggregor shook his head. "Fuck this shit, I'm not being in this stupid story." He flew into space and into the sun.

"Looks like I saved the day yet again!" Ben shouted.

Ben's mother and father showed up with a plate of vegetables for him to consume. "Ben, devour your vegetables or you can't have any dessert! And clean your room! Make your bed! Don't fuck your best friend's girlfriend any longer! She's also your cousin." They wagged their fingers at him.

"Mother! Father!" Ben groaned. *My parents are so annoying!* he thought.

"Wait, you haven't defeated me yet!" shouted Sublimino.

He finally managed to right himself. He ran on stubby legs to Ben's position and stood in front of him. He withdrew his pocket watch in order to hypnotize his young enemy. But he was a total blond and had the watch facing backwards. He hypnotized himself instead.

"What is your bidding, my master?" Sublimino inquired to his "master," Ben.

Ben pondered while rubbing his chin. "Hm. Ah, I have a good idea!" He laughed to himself momentarily. "Go jump off a bridge, Sublimino!"

"Yes, master!" the hypnotized enemy spoke in monotone. He raised his arms like a zombie and shuffled off to the nearest bridge to commit suicide.

Ben looked to see if Vilgax and Psyphon were still being totes gay. They were. Only now they were naked and fucking. And so were Gwen and Kevin. Ben frowned. "Gross!" he said. "You people need to get rooms!"

This angered Vilgax into releasing Psyphon from his muscular arms. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT REMARK, TENNYSON!" Vilgax jumped into the air and began to attack his enemy with his tentacle-penises. All three of them.

"Fuck that!" Ben remarked. He spanked his Omnitrix hard and it gave him the greatest transformation ever: _Portaler!_

Portaler thought with portals and used a portal to portal Vilgax into a black hole at the far end of the universe. The really far end.

"FUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUU, BEN TENNYSOOOOOOOOOOON!" Vilgax wailed before getting sucked into oblivion. But he's probably not dead for real yet.

"Master!" Psyphon cried. He began to sob uncontrollably. "I can't live without you, Master!" He pulled out an inexplicable Japanese dagger and committed seppuku rather than endure the pain of being without his sexy lord Vilgax for five seconds.

Ben smiled. "That takes care of all my enemies for now. I think I deserve some chili fries as a reward," Ben stated. He went back to the Mr. Smoothy's counter to purchase chili fries. "Vender! Oh, vender? I would like to request some chili fries."

To Ben's shock, he saw that the cashier was lying dead on the floor inside the building.

"Gads! Someone else has committed a crime most heinous while I was battling my other enemies!" Ben exclaimed. "But who?"

"It was me!" yelled a voice.

There was a dramatic pause before, who should appear, but:

"Moldywarp?!" Ben cried.

"HYEE HEE HEE!" Moldywarp laughed while dancing around like a fucking moronic terrible character. "It was me all along, Bennifer Tanniston! I was secretly the earth's greatest enemy!"

"The fuck?" Ben inquired with much confusion. He gasped upon noticing a large stick of dynamite that had been placed into his back pocket. "AW, SHIT!"

There was a huge explosion that looked to have consumed our favorite boy hero, along with the Mr. Smoothy's, Gwen and Kevin, and Moldyfart himself. Because he's a fucking idiot and had been holding a bunch of lit TNT sticks the whole time while laughing like a maniac and dancing around. He will not be missed.

But did our hero Ben survive somehow to return in another wacky installment? Find out next time!


End file.
